Friday, 18 June 2010

Downward spiral, bitterness and resentment.

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British Activism heads for work

I have not blogged a new piece for quite a while, so I thought I had better pull my finger out and put up a new entry.

The reason for being a bit dry lately on the olde typing front is that - no surprise - I have been a bit down in the dumps and have had little to really write about.

There has been a whole heap of semi-conscious stuff going around my mind, you know, until it becomes like a "pea souper" where before you can be clear on one thing another thing tails on the end and takes over to create yet even more unsolved chaos.

Some of it really quite hard to describe, so I may have a more vigorous attempt at that another time, but for a quick example of this weeks thoughts I will try and just stick to the ordinary matters which are going on around here and in my life rather than delve deep into theories and various ideologies, philosophies and assorted 'ism's'.

The thoughts lately include:

  • My own bitterness and resentment which I cannot shake off. 
  • A sense of belonging, or rather, a lack of it. 
  • What games are afoot in regards to the 'establishment' trying to put the humpty dumpty situation of this country back together again. 
  • Traffic and congestion. 
  • Religious schools.
  • My own life and what may be in store.
I could really write extensively on all of these things, but I will try and not 'bang on' endlessly.

The first one is probably the most poignant thing on my mind this week and it is something which comes to me in cycles, especially when I see and hear about certain things taking place from friends and acquaintances. It is even more the case when those things are combined with witnessing other situations taking place in general  - with the demographic trends and society in the town.

I will just pick a few from the list for this piece.

What does this have to do with bitterness and resentment though? Well, I have started to ask myself why things are getting me down more than usual lately and I have had to admit that I do feel bitter and resentful at what is taking place in this country as a whole and in my immediate town in front of my eyes.

I am not usually one for 'emotions' and I cannot ever recall a moment in my life where I have felt genuine "hate" for anyone or anything - and that has not really changed, however that does not mean I do not feel bitter and resentful about things and how it can go on to eat me up inside.

I am in the sad position of knowing what has happened to us, of knowing some of the reasons why it was done, why things are being done today, and where it will lead to for the people of this country in the future.

I am also in the sad position of directly watching the collapse take place in slow motion, as though watching a horrific train crash about to happen and running (like some un-fit Lancashire 'Baywatch' character on the opening credits) to try and avert catastrophe - only to realise there is nothing I can do as I cannot stop this train from derailing on my own - and how frustrated I am that I know within myself that I am losing the energy to even want to try.

I am bitter and resentful of this, and bitter and resentful of those who are taking our place in this country. It is not necessarily 'thier' fault, they are just living their lives and moving forward and expanding. It just starts to cut even more when I have to take into account that my own society is failing, collapsing in on itself, and in a downward spiral which I can not see there being any possibility of changing.

I am not sure if I have mentioned this on my blog before (but I know I have elsewhere) about how cut up and depressed I can feel when I see there being no English children on the vast majority of the local playgrounds and parks. The future is right there, presented in front of my eyes.  It is terrible to have to feel this way, they are just children playing at the end of the day - but I just cannot help it. It signals the end of us, and my town.

There is a process to my town, and it is roughly thus:

1) Asian areas increasingly Asianify and become wholly alien and insular, confident in their own identity and cultures.

2) Mixed areas catch the overspill from the boundaries of already Asianified parts of town. For a short while you have white children and asian children sharing space - whether they play together, or use the same space separately. In the mixed areas the other ethnicities like Poles, Africans, Chinese, Vietnamese, etc tend to live because there feels a bit a of "no-man's-land" air about the place and they are more comfortable there. 

3) As simple demographic trends demand, the mixed areas increasingly become ethnic, for the most part Asian in my case. The others tend to shuffle outwards over time, for example you will not find many Africans in the heart of an Asian area or many Chinese there either.

4) The once mixed area becomes essentially wholly Asian.

5) The white surrounding areas gradually become more mixed.

The process repeats.

That is the situation, with various issues and various societal flux happening in different stages of each process at different times. It just rumbles along, relentlessly, mundanely, everyone minding their own business.

My own stage is somewhere approaching '2' to '2.5'.  I know it wont be long till it reaches 3. Perhaps another 7 to 10 years and you might as well stick a fork in it, as it will be well done by then.

One of the most focal points of change around me is the park. It was the last major public park which was not 'occupied territory' - as somebody once said. It is steeped in history, has always been a special place for me not only as a part of the town but as part of my childhood.  Now though, the situation has started to change. It is slowly being taken over.

The process of the playgrounds and parks has taken ground where Asian families are monopolising the space and essentially staking a claim into it. You can now see white children standing docile at the sidelines waiting for turns on the slides and swings should the Asians get bored of using them at some point. Others play together, which can make you feel more guilty of analysing the situation - but you know it will not last into adulthood, it never does, despite what the "social engineering" super-school would like.

By then it will be too late anyway, the demographic future is written on the wall in large Urdu letters, there will not be "equality" in terms of numbers for anybody to be bothered about "cohesiveness".

I often see the families walk up the various roads towards the park; mother and father, multiple brothers and sisters, often pushing prams too at the same time. They pass an old working mans club, which closed down years ago and has now been given the go-ahead to be turned into a Muslim Girls School.

In its heyday, the club could attract well known upcoming music stars and comedians/celebrities to play there. It is a fine sandstone (and distinctively English design) building which kind of helped build the character of Northern towns like mine.

Where brass bands would once play, where white children would have birthday parties and go to see Father Christmas, where people would try and ballroom dance or play crown bowling on the green at the front, where people would meet each other, get married and see their children enrolling as members ....is now a place soon to see Asian girls in Muslim attire chanting the Koran by rote and no doubt kneeling on prayer mats a few times a day between their National Curriculum lessons.

Further up the road there used to be a large church. I used to attend this as a child and I went to the adjoining school. Both were bulldozed in the early 1990's I seem to recall. The congregation of the church became old and thus dwindling in numbers as a result of their age. Combined with both lack of 'new' white religious attendance and being hit by the obvious wider Muslim demographic changes, the costs of upkeep, heating and repair, etc proved too much. It could not be saved.

The old church was a wonderful building, it had marvellous architecture and some fantastic attention to detail. Stained glass windows proudly exemplified the craftsmanship and loving hands of a bygone era and they complimented the artistic stonework which just wreaked of a time when Britain really was Britain and people were proud of who they were and what they stood for.

Sadly, this is not the kind of society I see around me today.

That is why I think I get even more bitter and resentful of everything. It is not the Asians who are "doing this" to us, as (aside from things higher up the chain of command) we have let it happen to ourselves and I believe we have started to enter a downward spiral from which we cannot recover.

Personally, I believe the two things are inseparable and that this multiracial, multicultural and cultural marxist nature of society has helped the causation of the downward descent. But one side can definitely highlight the other. I will try and explain what I mean here.

What I see around me today is an insular and self orientated white society (myself included) and a strong family and community orientated Asian society. What I see around me is mothers letting their five year old children wear "playboy" design clothing, people in the town centre who are either mentally disturbed or on drugs, white youths being a menace to society with no peers to look up to or keep them in check. I see drug use amongst young teenagers, I see their parents fighting drunk at karaoke parties because one of them has made a drunken pass at somebody else's husband or wife or whatever else.

I see a culture of drinking which sees people smash other peoples car windscreens because they have had the nerve to try and drive through drunken men walking down the middle of the road shouting obscenities in a residential area, the type of obscenities you would not wish your young children to be hearing.

A culture where women are "glassed" in the side of the head (by other women), walking around drunk with blood-matted hair. A culture where X-Factor reigns supreme and where the likes of Ashley Cole are lovable rogues, and where football/sports and self indulgent escapism rules the day.

Often, one of the hardest things for me as a Nationalist is to say "yes! I want to save our people and our way of life" - only to look around and find it full of complete cretins and morons, full of drug addiction, hedonism, drink abuse binges on weekends and a lack of any morals and scruples.

I think I loathe my own society more than I do others at times.

It seems to be getting worse, or perhaps I am just seeing a decline in society because I am getting older.  Perhaps I am just "snobby" and better suited to a different era. Either way, I still feel it sliding into the abyss. People seem to be getting more 'rougher', less articulate, have fewer morals and no sense of right or wrong or any sense of what it means to create a good society at all.

It is this contrast which infuriates me and makes me that little bit more bitter and resentful at what the 'tidal wave' of change has meant for the local area.

Simply put, to turn it on its head, white society has declined, we have lost our societal bond. We have lost so much of our "space" simply because we have stopped using it and stopped believing in keeping things going.

Working Mens Clubs have closed because people don't uphold 'clubs' any more, and nobody seems to work in the industries that used to be their bedrock (although that is not their fault, as those places do not exist any more). Demographic trends, government laws, supermarkets and decline in social standards has also led it to oblivion. The churches have closed partially because people are not religious, in addition to the Muslim demographic boom. It compounds each other.

We are losing our local park because we have no longer had any real presence there. If whites were in abundance there, I am pretty sure the Asians would have thought twice about entering such an arena in the numbers they have.

Turned on its head, they are strong families who are making time and effort to take the whole brood up to the park to spend time together. Relatives come along too. They dress their children nicely, not in trashy Playboy gear. They clip their children around the ear when they are misbehaving and running near roads. The new Islamic girls school will have been founded by parents and the local Asian community, the teachers will no doubt be local parents and local Muslim teaching staff who have done their Teacher Training courses at college.

White families just aren't doing these things any more. They are sat inside, down the pub, or both parents are working all hours to keep a roof over their heads (and pay for the welfare of the said Asian children no doubt). They are glued to X-Factor whilst these people are out enjoying life and the beauty of the park with their families.

That's why it stings like lemon juice on a paper cut.  It is that bitter twist of irony that what is being lost with our own society is being supplanted by those who do what we used to do ourselves.

The town is ever more feeling like it is not my country any more. I had a strong sense of that today as I walked through the town centre to get a single bottle of beer for tonight's enjoyment after a hard week at work.

I do not have many pleasures, but I do treat myself to a beer at the weekends. As I walked around, I saw (a small amount of) Africans, lots of Asians (of course), a few Romany looking Eastern Europeans. In the supermarket (as usual) aside from Pakistanis and Bangladeshi's there were a few Polish and Chinese-types and a tiny amount of others who you could not really tell where they were from, maybe Malaysian.

What none of them were though, were indigenous British nor deeply trenched "Northerners" like me. It could be worse though, Christ knows how I would cope in a city or somewhere down in Birmingham or London.

However, the town I have lived in for 32 years no longer feels like home or a home for my people. I feel very sad about that, and yes, bitter and resentful. The only place I do feel at home is my immediate area, slightly away from it all. As described above though, times are changing.

Meanwhile, I have no offspring of my own, no partner, nothing on the horizon. I am conscious of the fact that such a personal situation actually makes me part of the problem.

I can not afford to live removed /further away from this situation, although I always count my blessings at the quite luxurious abode I now dwell in and the immediate surroundings which are only tainted by the knowledge of what is coming down the tracks. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for, and I feel guilty for being so down in the dumps over such things when so many people are suffering real hardship in their lives.

I have worked at the same company for 14 years now, perhaps via both a rut and a safety net. I like my job, but can it really be that good to be a big fish in a small pond for so long? There are very few other ponds I could swim into though, given the nature of my work, and I find making new associates and work colleagues very hard - I am not a social beast.

I have been a Nationalist for around 10 or 11 years and have learnt so much that I struggle to keep it all in. It has also cost me friendships, family ties, cost me time and social life whilst trying to take it all in and wrestle with my own once "liberal" conscience. Much of life has passed me by, I feel my "youth" has slipped through my fingers worrying about things, and here I find myself now, still wasting my time writing such articles as this.....

Yup. Just been one of those decades really.

Last week, I did not even know what date or month it was lol...I turned over two sheets on the wall calendar at work by mistake, knew it was roughly the second Monday in the month and looking at the calendar I wrote the wrong month and date down on the time-sheet and submitted it in.

I have little interest in knowing trivialities like the month or the date, it all blends into oneness.  That can not be good though!

If you have ever seen Michael Douglas in "Falling Down"....think of that and fuse it with Bill Murray from "Groundhog Day" to set the scene.

Maybe I should sell up, move to some beach in the United States, take up surfing or open a surf shop. Maybe I should sell up and open up a burger-bar on the rocky road along Route 66. The possibilities are endless.

Mind you, what would I do with my vast record collection? See, there are always things to get in the way!

I was born here in this country, and I will probably die here too should I live to a ripe old age. Hell, I would probably do it just to spite.

21 comments:

  1. What can be done? Remain stoical and bear in mind that the future is not predestined. Yes, it is true that the demographic tide presently flows against us, but there are signs in neighbouring European countries that the indigenous peoples of our part of the world are beginning to stir from their torpor. One of the starkest symbols of our decline – Islamisation – is now being increasingly contested in the Netherlands, Switzerland, France and elsewhere. What will come of tonight’s protest in Paris? The imaginative initiative of Sylvie Fran├žois and Bloc Identitaire (see http://durotrigan.blogspot.com/2010/06/sylvie-francois-and-bloc-identitaire.html) and other kindred symbolic actions (the banning of minarets in Switzerland, burkas in Belgium and Barcelona) could result in our countries becoming less attractive destinations for Muslims. Unfortunately, our mainstream political parties here are all as one in aiding and abetting Islamisation.

    I must confess to having been somewhat staggered by the absence of serious analysis of recent electoral failure on the part of the BNP’s leadership and a concomitant lack of amendments to strategy, tactics or policy. If it carries on as it is, I am afraid to say that it will be heading back into an irrelevant political wilderness. You’re fully aware of the measures that I think are essential for it to implement to stand any chance of making an electoral breakthrough, yet I see no practical movement towards embracing any of these. If it carries on as now, the native peoples of Britain (although perhaps not Ulster) are likely doomed to replacement and extinction. It is exasperating.

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  2. BA, I understand exactly how you feel and recognise the scenes that you paint. Do not stay despondent for long though. You need to find yourself a woman and have some kids, but I realise how hard (nigh-on impossible) it is for us Jeremiahs to find suitable Cassandras. I am astonished and disappointed by how many single women just don't want to have children. Instead, they would prefer to find 'fulfilment' through some cruddy white-collar career and ingesting large amounts of reality television whilst living out the sterile fantasy of aspiring to emulate one of the materialistic harpies from Sex in the City.

    Television, chick-lit and the other vehicles of the mainstream media peddle the lie to our women that it is better to consume products and to put career first than to have a family. For me, I see no greater meaning in life than creating new life with a loved one. Sadly, this view seems to have gone out of fashion, to be replaced by examples of celebrities remaining childless then adopting African children to exculpate their white 'guilt'.

    Our people’s sense of self-worth and dignity has been undermined day in day out for years by televisual dross which promotes adolescent egocentric behaviour; not only the endless round of ‘reality’ shows, but also soap operas such as the execrable Eastenders which seems not only to have had an influence upon the way in which many people speak, but also the way in which they interact with each other. We have reached a situation where a large number of our compatriots believe that it is acceptable to be rude and ‘transgressive’, and that only novelty, consumption and tittle-tattle matter. We are surrounded by people who willingly embrace a state of permanent adolescence who see a PC-sanctioned state of ‘rebelliousness’ as being cool. It is not. Their ‘rebellion’ merely constitutes a deadening conformity to an officially sanctioned hatred of the national past.

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  3. On the woman front, I do have a tainted view of them from past experiences and from what I witness being around and about.

    Quite frankly, it has become a two way street - I can quite easily just manage on my own and learn to accept it, and likewise, I am sure it would take a special somebody to take me under their wing! lol.

    That's perhaps half the trouble - I just lack the patience and tolerance to slipstream into the often mundane celebrity and shopping propelled social life never mind give much sympathy for career problems. I have gotten to be quite selfish that way.

    I couldn't give a rats ass about half the 'fashionable' crap modern women bleat about or take interest in, and I know damned well it would be a miracle to find one who is a bit of a deep thinker and could tolerate what I have to say about things.

    ....And those are the ones who are not ladettes or as rough as a badgers arse lol.

    That's why I wish the BNP would pull their finger out and create some sort of Nationalist matchmaking website lol. What better than to find a hopefully attractive Nationalist sympathiser? lol. Mind you, the bastards over at UAF would probably have a bit of fun with such a service.

    When it comes to children, I wouldn't wish to bring them up around here. I think I would have to move.

    Subconsciously, I do believe this affects more people than just me. When society does not "fit" what makes sense any more, I think it has a psychological effect of a reluctance to bring offspring into the world and place them into it.

    The situation in Europe does look a bit more promising. They may wrestle out of some dhimmitude - but Islamisation is sadly not all they face. Hopefully an awakening will start to have a dual effect though.

    There is a defined shift to the "right" though - and that can only be a good thing I think.

    On the BNP, I think various articles and video's exist regarding the election failure. But I suppose you are right in that ammendments to tactics is a bit thin.

    I happen to agree with one of the "dissenters" about some of the things they have put forward - such as the move to call centre canvassing. I think it might be an expensive mistake.

    However, we will have to see.

    We have suffered quite a blow, right at the time of internal disputes too and costly court cases and recent attempts to smash the party apart in the courts.

    The huge build up for the last 4 years came crashing around our ears in terms of trophies. People who are wafer thin supporters float away.

    Things always go quiet after such a thing. Posters stop posting comments, well known commentators disappear either in factions or because they are fed up with the state of things. Many will return.

    Things are working their way back. The BNP is not going away. I just naively wish that all these people would get their heads together and reach compromises and forge a new energy rather than trench themselves into battle positions against people who are essentially their own team.

    I wouldn't like for it to reach the stages where ideas or experiences are ignored just because it happens to be said by a dissenter - and likewise, I would not like grande schemes to be deployed just for the sake of not wanting to back down or to 'prove' something.

    The "UNN" thing seems interesting, but despite the 6 part explanation over on the G.A site, I am still struggling to understand just what they hell it is going to be doing lol.

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  4. I have to say I empathise with you entirely. I too often despair at some elements of English (I refuse to be drawn into the trap of describing them as white) society. What you must appreciate is the relentless brainwashing (or perception management as they grandly refer to it) that everyone has been subjected to in recent years. It's only when you become aware of its presence that you can appreciate exactly how insidious it is.

    The trick is to find ways of both switching the tide of manipulation off and reaching out to people in new ways devoid of the manipulation of the PTB. The internet has its limitations I'm afraid. I've recently being thinking back to the early days of punk when there were lots of 'zines about. These were put together by young enthusiastic kids and sold for a few pence. I want to try and do something similar. The general theme will be about the NWO agenda but I intend to expose the importance of the role of multiculturism and mass immigration to it.

    My aim is to approach a number of bloggers and to get them all to contribute. A pdf copy will then be available to download, print and photocopy. New readers would be encouraged to download and distribute themselves. It's the only way we will be able to reach those who can be reached.

    For me talking about these issues from the position of being a BNP supporter can be counter productive for many reasons. Too many to list here. Exposing the issues from the NWO perspective shows who the real fascists are. Instead of the ordinary English (British) citizen being some sort of white supremacist we are (and always have been) the victims of those criminal and parasitical elites who still control this country. Those same elites have duped those on the left to an astonishing degree. Highlighting this is essential if we are to survive.

    Anyway, don't despair. I often do but I soon bounce back. After all what choice do we have but to fight. The challenge is to find the most effective way of doing it.

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  5. You are a deep thinker, you also have the gift of being able to write, and i mean really write! You can put thoughts into words and paint a picture with them. You give a voice to people that cannot articulate their thoughts into words.

    I too go into despair as the magnitude of what is facing us becomes all enveloping. But, something for now keeps bringing me out of the abyss and makes me want to fight for survival.

    I do have faith in our leadership. Gosh! If i was NG i'd have packed it all in and crawled off to somewhere peaceful by now! The very fact that he drives on, even with all against him gives me faith. And, i truly believe he is implementing measures for us to progress.

    Please keep on writing. The masterpiece is taking shape.

    JaneTWBnP

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  6. Thankyou for your reply Jane. It is always good to know somebody is reading my blog, as I sometimes think I should pack it up.

    I guess for now it is therapy (lol) so I will stick at it.

    Although I am always open to debate and seeing another perspective, I also remain to have faith for the leadership and will be supportive of it.

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  7. BA, (Part 1)

    I felt compelled to write after reading this. It has to be one of your best, if not the best article that you've ever written! Reading it made me shiver in places because I seriously could have written most of what you have.

    I'm not going to deny that part of me is very, very angry and for the exact reasons you are - watching my culture die, my people die, as more and more immigrants come to the UK. Yes, I too understand everything you've written about Islam and they have become the non British Brits, who happen to uphold and follow the values of Britain that most Britains have left behind. As you said, it's the "lemon of the paper cut." This is what I realise. It's my frustration that I see the way they are, their community spirit (albeit in their Muslim ghettos) that's so sadly gone within our own.

    Our small cities and villages are husks of their former selves. Unlike the Muslims, most children don't want to be part of the community and head on down to London to make their fame. I did it. I didn't want to stay in Scotland and were London like London, full of English people, most notably Cockneys, then I'd still be there, but you know it most certainly isn't. I began to truly despise being in London. I mean, I really, really hated it. I hated getting going into any underground station, the smells, the dirt, the crowds. Getting on the trains in summer, that were like sardine cans, being boiled. I hated getting on buses to have to sit in company with disrespectful kids, playing their music loud, shouting in their mobile phones, sitting with their feet on the chair and not getting up or moving them when people would want to sit down, automatically getting into an argument should people try. I also got incredibly concerned as well that being more than capable of handling myself, I'd be attacked or get into a confrontation, I'd win and find myself persecuted by the law, for merely defending myself. I also hated everything about London before leaving, what it stood for, what it was about, the playground of the celebrities and merely a business space, certainly not a community space, well, not for whites anyway.

    It is frightening what you've said:

    "I am also in the sad position of directly watching the collapse take place in slow motion, as though watching a horrific train crash about to happen and running (like some un-fit Lancashire 'Baywatch' character on the opening credits) to try and avert catastrophe - only to realise there is nothing I can do as I cannot stop this train from derailing on my own - and how frustrated I am that I know within myself that I am losing the energy to even want to try."

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  8. (Part 2)

    I have often stated almost exactly the same but mine is being trapped in the front of a car, the seatbelts stuck, everything is in slow motion (except me) around me and the cars headed off the end of the cliff, although the passengers are laughing and joking, oblivious to their future, not seeing the imminent danger ahead.

    And yes, a huge part of me wants to save Britain and her people, but then I stop and think - "Do I want to save these disrespectful youths, the foul mouthed women (and men) who get into constant fights, throw up all over the place, end up with their knickers in full view passed out on the pavement and of course are only interested in celebrity worship?" I then also think to myself - "Do I want to protect a society that protects and promotes homosexuality, which I'm against, that is as long as what they do they do in the privacy of their own homes and certainly don't try to be what they're not - parents, married and clergy? Do I want to protect these people who are globalists and haven't a care for our culture?"

    If truth be told (as it always is) I personally would like to see Islamisation for the simple reason it will sort out these degenerates. Our children won't be given lessons in school about homosexuality. They won't worship celebrity and demand mobile phones. They'll lose their air of arrogance and disrespect and women, well, they will no longer be in the position to metamorphose into women, spurned on by feminist (read misandrist) teachings, most notably from Marxist belief and of course the lesbian Zionists who promoted them.
    Our society would be a far better place also in that taking care of the elderly would be the norm and being humble to your fellow man. Sure there are man radical Muslims, but in all reality, I can't dispute a word of their protests in Wooten Bassett and around the country because simply put BRITAIN INVADED THEIR LANDS, following the Zionist cause, the bankers, the corporations and of course the pursuit of Oil.

    I'm not Muslim. I never will be Muslim, but I can see that Muslim women are far better learned than our own women. I can see that both men and women are humble when in company. I find these people incredibly respectful and sure it probably amazed many when my stance changed, but it's only because I couldn't shy away from the truth, having been plugged into an incredibly deceitful media that promoted false propaganda to indoctrinate me.

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  9. (Part 3)

    Let's face facts here BA. You see your home city greatly changing, but you know very well that you'd rather exist in a society with peaceful, considerate, respectful, humble, caring individuals than the deadheads whom you see pissed up, fighting and controlled by X Factor and Big Brother wouldn't you?
    I know you're angry because what you see in Muslims you see in your childhood, that is the character of what people were when you were young and the respect everyone had for one another. You see that Muslims are chasing the celebrity/fame dream. You see, as I see that Muslims see that the lowest worker in a shop is no different to a famous individual and all must be respected.

    This is what I find hard. I see there is no longer the satisfaction in the daily job as everyone wants to be famous. I had the opportunity but I turned it down. I didn't want to be controlled by the media and record companies. I didn't want to have paparazzi following my every move. I didn't want to have to be in with the in crowd. I wanted my privacy which I'd never have as a successful musician. More so, I eventually realised the pretentiousness of it all, performing in front of people with the attitude of "look at me amn't I brilliant?"

    Let's face facts here BA. Britain is dead. We cannot change society to the way it was. Yes, part of this change is because you and I and everyone are getting older. We see the change in society our parents did, the only difference being in our parent's time, the change was only societal, not demographic racial and alien cultural. We are seeing the UK's culture which has been here for centuries change tremendously that will disappear.

    The majority of British people in the UK are not British. It's that simple. They're nothing but globalists, with no interest in their own culture, chasing the fame/money dream. Their cares are not for community and families, but instead jetsetting around the world and living hedonistic lifestyles. They may change these attitudes when they get to their late 30's but by then society will no longer be what they should have made twenty years previously.

    It's change BA. It's something we all have to accept. We can't stop it. It's like water flowing in a stream. We can't shut it off as it will build up and either go over the barricade or around.

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  10. (Part 6)

    I don't know what my future holds. Currently I'm unemployed although I do have many skills that I could utilise, but there just isn't the work here. I've been offered music promotion work back in London but I left there because I hated it and I'm in two minds on whether or not to return. I think I won't, although the music promotion jobs would give me a good income.
    I've though about packing up a backpack and heading around the world on a shoestring. I've thought of going further up north, getting work on a far and learning horticulture so I can live a life, outwith society. A basic existence.

    Keep your head up. There are many people who think as you do and these replies are from those who follow your blog. I wish I'd written sooner as this particular post emphasizes much of how I feel. And yes, I've also seen myself very much as Michael Douglas' character in Falling Down - LOL

    You're a good soul, intelligent, caring and thinking no doubt all the time, how you can make this place a better place for all and hopefully bring back your culture.
    All I'd say really is don't, well not all the above, but trying to think how to make this place a better place for all. Think about how to make it a better place for you and I'm sure the rest will follow.

    No man is an island so they say. Ironically I have been for the last couple of years of my life, but it was a time of great transition and change. You have people here who think very much like you and I'm sure there are in your city in north England. Who knows, maybe we should all arrange a meet sometime - you, me, Durotrigan, Rev Harry, Unrepentant British Nationalist and Jane?

    All the best BA. You are far from alone. Remember that. You only need to put fingers to keyboard.

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  11. (Part 5)

    I'm telling you this BA, because I think you and I (and from what I've read from Durotrigan, Revolution Harry and jane) are the same. We think very alike, we both got in touch with one another after reading each other's writings and we understand the situation greatly - loving our culture, history and ancestry, wanting to live in our own world, where we are not invaded by other peoples and cultures, yet we are both far from haters of other peoples and their cultures but rightfully believe they have their land as we have ours.

    My experiences of late have happened for a reason. They've changed me. They've been sheer hell, there's no doubt but I wouldn't have gone down the many different avenues otherwise.

    I always remember that wonderful part in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf speaks to Frodo in the mines of Moria and says [paraphrasing] "It's not up to us to choose when we are born, but it's up to us to do the best we possibly can in the time that's given."

    We can only change ourselves in life. It is others who have to change, not us BA. We know the score more than well enough. We can't force others into our bidding. They have to want to come of their own accord and in order to understand why we are the way we are, they have to understand us, which means educating themselves on what we know.
    My father always said to me when I was younger - "The public is an animal without a head" and oh how write he was.

    Having left my home city in Scotland 16 years ago, to the bright light of London to become famous, I've returned back home, to see a very different place altogether in many ways, but still home. In fact, "Midnight Train to Georgia" could very well be my song! And those people whom I knew have looked at me and I know they have their thoughts of "good education and look at him now" attitude, yet they fail to realise that I could have had what I'd always wanted but chose not to have it, because it was fake and everything I explained earlier, so I just smile within knowing how little they know. You see, they see the fame, the money and all the pretty girls and boys seeking to worship you, yet they fail to see that many celebrities suffer from depression because they realise what they've sacrificed and at the end of the day wasn't worth it. Sure they're wealthy and I haven't got two pennies to rub together, but I can go anywhere in the world without being harassed. They can't

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  12. (Part 4)

    As you know, I left London from a breakup with my partner. It destroyed me. I totally and utterly crucified me. I thought this woman was going to be the one I'd be with forever. I loved her more than life itself and of course we had a son and this to me was bliss, at last a family that I'd always wanted. However it never worked out I failed her as she me and realise now that I was only wanted as a sperm donor anyway.
    It made me think greatly about me and life. I was grief stricken. I thought I was depressed as I had the symptoms but realised I was just incredibly unhappy, with everything. It wasn't the over release of chemicals in my brain, but the very fact that I was seeing the destruction of my culture, my life had been ripped asunder, I wasn't going to be a father, growing up with my son. It went deep, like an arrow plunging into my body.

    I was suicidal, very. I used to think on a daily basis how I would end it all. I had lost my faith in humanity, in women, knowing that I could never have a relationship with one ever again, firstly because I couldn't ever trust one ever again (the breakup with my partner was a complete repeat with my daughter's mother ten years previous with a child I haven't seen since) and secondly because I've not met any women out there with my views on life, someone interested deeply in politics, society, conspiracy and one who doesn't watch TV or read the papers.

    My anger which is still there, is there for a reason. It kept me from going the full hog with suicide. I channeled this anger and frustration into reading, more and more. I took up martial arts again and I'm always thinking how I can better my life. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" the saying goes and my life has been one of a bouncing ball, up and down and many people have always been amazed that I've managed to overcome and survive my many trials and tribulations.
    I do at times feel as though there's some higher power guiding me through all of this. I think to myself "whoever you are why do you torment me so?" I then question myself and realise that were it not for all these terrible events I wouldn't be who I was, knowing what I do and more importantly changing my beliefs because of them.

    My diet has changed. I'm exercising more and more, something as a teenager I did religiously. I was big and strong a very good sportsman and when I look back, I've not done sport or serious physical exercise for nearly 20 years!! And yet I've kept my physique, eaten and drunk as much as I've wanted with little or no change.

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  13. Thanks very much for your very heartfelt reply Winston. It does mean a lot.

    Also, thanks for the compliment on my article - although I do wish it was a more upbeat article which had all the answers to the problems rather than a depressive account of my perceptions of life!

    Whilst you state, perhaps accurately, that you have anger within you about the present situation and what is being done.....I am not quite sure how I could describe my own emotion.

    It is like something beyond anger, as the anger and frustration subsided a long time ago.

    It is more bitterness and resentfulness, mixed with a funeral type mourning for something which is dead yet still presently visible in it's open casket coffin - as we all pay our last respects, with myself just passing by in the congregation of life like everybody else.

    Some know the deceased and realise life will not be the same ever again, whilst others are not really connected and are just there for the buffet and the bar crawl afterwards.

    I do see some elements of the "community" side to the Muslims which remind me of how things used to be in this country, and I do find it hard to swallow that they are supplanting our "liberal" decayed society just by upholding some of those "old fashioned" (as the 'left' would call "bigoted, conservative") values.

    However, living in the area I do.....I also cannot romanticise the Islamic society either. It has its own horrors and abhorrent nature which grates on my very soul, and also has things which are equivalent to the poor behaviour to the "piss-heads" on a weekend night. It just manifests itself in different ways.

    Being quite a fair person, I am willing to praise the praiseworthy and give the "recognition" to things within them which we had once ourselves. But at the same time I could never, ever, wish to see this country become more Islamic.

    As I said in another piece the other day, or perhaps in the reply comments somewhere, we did have our own ways and values and we do not require any adulation of Islam to reinstall these virtues.

    I am not a "religious" person really, and I have battled on debate sections of forums to make sure that the Nationalist movement steers clear of presenting itself in a religious format...... but I have always simultaneously recognised and promoted the virtues and values of our Christian/Pagan strain of history, and said it should be worked towards as a repellent to the "other" system which wishes to take it's place.

    I think we share the awful catch-22 situation - we want to save and preserve what this country once was and in some ways continues to be (by our fingertips!) - but we look around at what rampant liberalism has done to us as a people and a society and we struggle to say "Yes! Yes! I want to preserve this! I want to preserve this trashy liberal lefty society!".

    Of course, this is what general people see when they look around us....... So, when the Nationalists say they want to keep society "British" in all ways, they look around at the state of society and think we must be either insane or delusional!

    But, as we know, Nationalists do not wish to preserve the "celeb" society, the "piss up women" with their knickers out, the disrespectful society, the druggie cultures......etc.

    It seems the conventional "right" are more worried about the costs of it all more than the morality of such behaviour, and the conventional left are incapable of passing "moral judgement" on such behaviour and are more interested in the "health issues" of binge drinking for example.

    We Nationalists have a different view of how society should be shaped, and 'that' is how we long for it to be.

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  14. (cont'd)

    It is easy to get the rose tinted glasses out....yet it was not all rosy before.

    Where people could die in the dentists chair, where winters were cold and ice would form on the inside of the single glazed windows, where people would come out of working 12 hour shifts in the mills and become 85% deaf in both ears.

    It was a hard life, an economically poorer life. Pigs trotters and cow tongue sandwiches were a common feature of food in the mill towns, proper cuts of meat were once a luxury. Now, people throw more good food away than could be believed.

    But in the things which matter in terms of nationhood, community, jobs, values, teaching, and the general society around the country - it was much better then than it is now.

    I do have tall orders for us to achieve before I would ever be satisfied....but I always believe you have to have a principled end goal of "close perfection" to work towards, otherwise you will never gauge whether things are improving, and you will never know if you are working towards the realisation of that perfect goal.

    If you allow for half measures when things get ideologically difficult or seemingly impossible, before you know it, your goals and aspirations are changed and diverted to the wills of somebody/something else.

    This is perhaps why I so strongly dismiss the "civic Nationalist" breed which has sprung up on the coat tails of Nationalism in the last few years.

    It is interesting that you (as I do) condemn what has become of our own people - because I intend to make some sort of documentary (if I can) which shows the state of Britain today.

    I don't know if I will manage it, but that is my next task. I have already been thinking how to put one together.

    I believe that if we cannot criticise and condemn poor aspects of our own society around us, then we are somewhat blinkered and we are not explaining to the wider nation what we actually stand for.

    We have to be seen as virtuous and an alternative to current affairs - not the protector and embodiment of it.

    That said, due to the nature of what I have collected over years in the archives - the compilation documentary may end up being more a critique of what has been "done" and "brought" to this country in general more than an explicit focus on "our own" ills. It all depends what material I can find on my hard drive.

    Like you state, and state for yourself too, you are right in that I would rather live alongside some sections of society than others.

    Whilst I dread the Asian "creep" into the last (small) solidly white area of the whole town, and would NEVER move into one of the Asian areas.... I simultaneously would recoil at living on some of the housing estates in the region - with their chavs on bikes, vandalism, crack addicts, prostitutes, thuggish lager-lout fathers who are no role model at all for their children.

    Snobbish? Yes, I suppose so. They are not all like that.

    But that's the thing, I have nothing against people worse off than me. What I have a problem with the attitude and behaviour.

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  15. (Cont'd)

    The programme "Shameless" - as far fetched as it seems to some people - is not all that far away from the antics of some peoples' real lives and attitude.

    But that is the other infuriating thing.....it is getting to be one extreme or the other.

    Its either "bam!" Muslims/Ethnics everywhere or it is "bam!" - the dregs of our own society expanding and being ever more rowdy and out of control.

    It is probably due to decades of "Idiocracy" - as in the film.

    The only people who seem to have been having children to significant degree are the Muslims, Ethnics, etc and the "vicky pollards" of this world.

    The old style "suburbanite" semi-academic upper working class/lower middle classes (perhaps last seen in the era of the "likely lads" and "The Good Life") have been that busy keeping a roof over their head and buying into "consumerism" that they have not raised families and have not continued those "good" aspects of society in the public domain.

    We are now increasingly seeing the 'nuclear fall out' of that in society.

    The rough and bawdy arise in parallel to the invaders and chaos.

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  16. (Cont'd)

    I think one thing we do differ on, in terms of our background, is that I never wanted to be famous.

    I have always been happy and grateful enough for what I had been given by my lovely parents and their lifetime of toil. I have been thankful for the small things in life, like good health, the freshness of snow blowing across the face in the winter and the warm glow of the few days of sunshine we get in the summer.

    I am not suggesting you don't, but I am owning up to the fact I never had a "drive" to get out there and be famous or make a name for myself.

    In fact, in one long job interview when I was whittled down to a choice of me and two applicants out of about 200 that applied - the boss there said "for Gods sake, try and get some ambition!" - this was after I said I did not desire to be the boss or managing the department in 10 years from then.

    I had explained that I was quite happy to do the job which I was applying for.

    I always wanted to follow in the footsteps of my father and be a design engineer - and that is what I became.

    In my teens, I used to DJ a lot at home (as in house music mixing)......and after a few years I was pretty good at it.

    I did wonder if I could get a job DJ'ing at a now defunct "nightclub" which played underground house music....and whilst it may sound like I wanted the fame and fortune, that was not really the case.....

    ...my first love was music, and although I did not like the "club culture" that much, I loved the house music and wanted to just DJ for free. I never pursued it though. I did not have the drive or pushy-ness.

    Later on, years later, after making some music at home, I was once approached by a producer to remix his hit song (which charted in the top ten in 1995).

    I did a remix for it, just here at home with a keyboard and virtual studio software, and about two years later it actually looked like it was going to be signed to Rumour Records as part of a wider package.

    However, due to copyright issues over the lyrics (which were owned by EMI), it could not be released in its current guise and the vocals had to be re-sung differently.

    However, I did not like the new vocals that I was being forced to use and it really spoilt the music I had made. It made it really sound 'off'. I hated what it did to my music, it just clashed. Nothing against the singer, but it just did not work.

    In the end, I declined the offer of allowing my mix to be used on the 4-track vinyl EP. It was only going to be a small release, but still, it would have been exciting.

    My love of music and integrity came over the "fame" pull of having my track on a record. Perhaps it was the wrong decision, but it is old news now.

    Due to Nationalism, I have lost touch with making music altogether and haven't a clue how to play the keyboards or work the new software like "Cubase" any more. I am also out of know-how and ideas.

    It is a shame really, as it was the only other thing in my life which I could throw myself into.

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  17. I can't even begin to imagine the transformation in your life though!.

    I am grateful for you expressing what you have been through, and being so honest about it.

    If I do ever say anything which may 'cut' because of your own history, please be aware that I am not aiming it in your direction and do not hold any kind of judgement over those decisions you made in the past.

    You have reached your own conclusions of what has been going on, taken some tough action, and as far as I am concerned all that is now in the past, a different life.

    Regarding London though... blimey, you couldn't pay me to visit there! I really mean that!

    If somebody said "I will give you £400 to drive to London, stay for few days in the thick of it, and come back" - I would turn the money down every time.

    I would hate it. I would hate seeing it. I would hate being in it. I would hate the bustle and the alienation. It would break my heart and be difficult to bear.

    I would have to be some sort of a masochist to go there!

    But the same is starting to the case for any city. I increasingly cannot stand them. I have not even been to Manchester for about 4 years.....and as for Blackburn.....after the last few times I went there, no way. It is getting too depressing and heart breaking to witness.

    Once you are "awake" to the state of affairs, there is no going back really. If I was still "switched off" and meandered through life like that liberal friend of mine, oblivious to it, it would be so much easier.

    I even had to turn down a party invite last year, for something quite important. The reason was that it was going to be on the far side of a city and at a "Nando's" restaurant.

    To them, my reasons were 'petty' and 'irrational'. To me, they were important.

    The reason was that the area concerned is quite a black/Muslim area and the Nando restaurant which they had picked was Halal meat.

    The others did not care about that, and chose there for the "experience" and the "convenience" of it being quite equi-distance for all the guests to get to.

    I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

    So even small things about this overall situation do effect my life and behavioural patterns.

    For me, it is like asking a vegan to go to a pig-roast.

    People cannot seem to understand that, or appreciate why I was reluctant to come, so basically I had to sever ties with a few of them for they were totally intolerant of my positions. I was just a "spoilsport" who put my "silly values" above those of seeing a good get together.

    This is how it goes when you have principles and stick to them to such a degree.

    It is funny too, that you mention women. You have the same trouble as me, and Unrepentant etc I think....

    We are all ideally looking for an intelligent, articulate, female...somebody who is open to nationalism and thinking deeply, somebody who is a page three style stunner, not into consumerism, X-Factor, Celebs, not a ladette, not poorly behaved and not overly demanding.

    LOL.

    Get in the queue buddy !!!!!!! LOL!!

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  18. (Cont'd)

    I hope you do find something to get your teeth into (job wise!) though. If it wasn't for me having my job, I think I would have gone quite insane by now.

    Turning a talent and hobby into a paying job is extremely hard, so I wish you luck of you choose that path. It can be done though.

    I have always been wary of turning my "escape" from the world into being my daily grind for a living, and thus always sought to keep them separate.

    But, it is horses for courses.

    I know what you're saying about how it is me who has to change and adapt to make the best of what is going on in the country.

    I have always been an idealist, ever since I was young child, so I always get a bit crushed when things are not working out how I wish. I have always been a dreamer that way.

    But this time, I know it is not in my hands, and I have learnt to try and come to terms with the fact I am just one person "thinking".

    I do not even do much, but type and think. Pathetic really. I support the cause, go to a few meetings, fold a few election leaflets and visit a stand from time to time - but I am not "hardcore activist" in the real world.

    I ultimately have to accept that the life I have is the one which I decide to choose for myself.

    Life is passing me by. I am here only once and I am throwing it all away for things beyond my control.

    Yet, what I will say though, is that whilst I am down in the dumps about it all - I do still have that famous chink of "British" 11th Hour light at the end of the tunnel within me.

    I cannot throw my hands up and walk away completely or give up the struggle.

    I have to remain optimistic that "something" can be done and worked towards.

    So many times in our national history we have come through all the odds. Odds which were seemingly impossible to achieve.

    They might not even come in my lifetime, as for what I desire would take at least 40/50 years to get back to....but I would be content in the knowledge that things were heading to "better days", when drawing my last breath.

    What I could never live with is, on that fatal day, looking back and wishing I had not walked away saying we were all utterly doomed and there was no point to anything.

    I actually happen to think we are in fact doomed, (lol)...... but, the secret hope we are not doomed lurks beneath.

    Apart from my workplace keeping me occupied, it is perhaps this "11th hour" fantasy which keeps me sane.

    For that reason alone, the struggle must go on.....even if I have to learn to relax and take a back seat when it comes to thinking about it all.

    Cheerio,

    B.A.

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  19. (cont)

    The only thing I can really do now is either find a small job away from the hustle and bustle and save up some money to be able to travel and possibly leave the UK. I'm torn for the simple reason that I don't want to see my culture die (which it is) and I don't want to really go and live abroad but I know that it's better than staying here and seeing drastic change.

    I couldn't possibly imagine what it must be like for Northerners to live in their towns and cities to see the drastic Islamisation of them. It would make me weep and make me so angry I'd probably be inclined to start up a militia to drive them out - LOL.
    It's not quite here in Scotland yet but it's on its way. The majority of Asians live in Glasgow, on a par with London and like London and Glasgow it's only a matter of time before it all starts infecting the rest of the UK with its cultures.

    I truly can't see any positive changes in the UK. The middle classes, who hate seeing what's happening are trying to emigrate to Oz. The middle class hypocrites, the multiculturalist, luvee liberals who created this mess are migrating to the SW, driving up the prices there and The upper classes can do whatever they want as they have the finances to go whenever.
    What's left are the working classes who live side by side with every culture. Some fight it, while others accept it and become part of it. Either way they've no chance of leaving for financial reasons.
    Then we have the chavs and the crack addicts, and alcoholics and those who have given up on life, happy to live on welfare. I see many in my hometown, off their heads, not on alcohol but some drug, possibly crack or glue.

    Who knows, I may even start writing a book about it all, a fictional representation of the Destruction of Britain. You never know, but in the meantime I'm looking for a job, possibly in the countryside to get out in the open air and work with nature. Part of me is an avid reader and very interested in much yet it's fighting with the other part that says "leave it all alone, put it away, you can't change anything and you know it as it's up to others to want to change themselves."

    Anyway, keep your head up, find a nice woman and settle downs if you can. Surely there must be some BNP supporters in your neck of the woods you quite like?

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  20. (cont)

    As I said I've learned a lot and I manage to keep my wits about me. I always have. It's been tough but I always manage to pull through no matter what happens to me in life.
    Now however, pushing 40 I have to start again, put the past behind me, find something I enjoy doing and away from multiculturalism and amongst my own people. This will be hard but I may find it..somewhere.

    I think it's good that you take you stance on Halal meat. I'm against it too and after reading today in the paper of the Mall in Rochdale installing "Muslim toilets" holes in the ground I was simply appalled of how much our culture's being steamrolled, but then that's what happens when you allow people into positions of power who have no respect for our culture. It's bound to happen and as their population grows, even more so.

    I think you have some optimism amongst your realism whereas I just have realism. I really can't see any chance of going back to a good society merely because of years of indoctrination, complete social condition thanks to the tampering of Zionist Jews. I also believe that the protocols are 100% real. Anyone who reads them can see that they've been implemented.

    Your 11th hour optimism is admirable but I can't look at it that way. I'm by far negative in life, but if I see a horse with a dud leg, I know it's not going to win the grand national.
    Your optimism reflects the old die hard spirit of the British, but what you're forgetting is that this optimism was alive and well and would have worked any time before the 50's. Our society is no longer British to have this spirit. The very fact that much of society are against the BNP proves this overwhelmingly. They're all quite happy to march with radicals and those anti British yet attack those who do promote Britishness! What I'm saying is BA, our parents lived in a world where Britain was white, not the country it is today, full of people with a grudge against bad ole' whitey.
    White Americans are about to become a minority. We will be too and there's not really anything you can do about it.

    I've seen quite a lot in my life and I won't give up although as I get older it's becoming harder and harder to find a career I not only want to do but a career that's actually available to me!

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  21. BA,

    I felt that the only way to show respect to your initial post was to be honest and truthful about how I felt, hence why I told you what I did.

    One thing I haven't told you was that up until my realisation that the music industry was a waste of time, or should I say that for me to become successful in music (not the fame or celebrity but making an income), was that I knew I had to play ball with the record companies whom I wanted no involvement with whatsoever...regardless!

    Thus my world came crashing down around me when I was about 34/35 realising that my ambition for the last well, 17 years I simply no longer wanted to do. I had run successful music nights in London and could have gone further down the road of promotion, but I got tired of the egos of so many people, whom were all just w*nkers at the end of the day. You know the type, the champagne socialists who whine on about helping everyone and against capitalism, when they were in fact the biggest capitalists and certainly didn't want to do anything for free. After all they had to pay the bills as well.
    I just got tired of the "look at me" people, the ones with so much attitude and of course the fact that almost everyone involved in music was either left wing or liberal. That life was over and so I got involved in stage crew and had a good job, but sadly due to an attack (bad attack back in 2005 with Muslim kids in East London) I developed calcified tendonitis (frozen shoulder) which meant I had to leave my well paid stage crew job, that kept me incredibly fit and start all over again. This was when my relationship started going downhill after my operation on my shoulder and of course my indepth study into Islam. It's been a series of knockbacks unfortunately.

    London was my life. I'd lived there for almost half my life, had many friends, knew many people and then one day just packed up and left, coming back to my hometown, everyone had moved on from when I was last here and it was a different world completely. The job scene here is dire and because I never went to university I don't have anything on paper. I was accepted into University when I got here to do animation but after 5 months of being there, surrounded by people half my age, completely different to my way of thinking and of course grief stricken with what had happened I left. It was the right decision because after graduating I'd be 43 and really compared to all the many young graduates in animation from all over the world, I pretty much didn't have much chance in the industry, not that I actually wanted to get involved now I come to think of it as that's as corrupt as any other.

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